If I Fall
by kyrdwyn
Summary: Malcolm Reed faces his greatest challenge - himself. (Minefield Spoilers)


Title: If I Fall  
  
Author: kyrdwyn  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: Malcolm faces his greatest challenge - himself  
  
Spoilers: Minefield  
  
Author's Notes: This is based around the song "Let Me Fall" by Josh Groban (Corcoran/Benoit), off his album "Josh Groban". You can hear it at http://www.joshgroban.com/.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the characters and not the song, just the plot and my betta fish Liam.  
  
// denotes lyrics  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
//Let me fall  
  
Let me climb  
  
There's a moment when fear  
  
And dreams must collide//  
  
He stares down into the depths, watching the blue shade become darker the further away from him it goes. A vast expanse of water stretches before him, the rhythmic siren's song of the waves beckoning to him. This is a water planet, very little land. Not a place for an aquaphobic to take shore leave - and yet he has no choice. Doctor's orders. He snorts, wondering if the doctor knows that he is causing more stress, not relieving it.  
  
//Someone I am  
  
Is waiting for courage  
  
The one I want  
  
The one I will become  
  
Will catch me //  
  
Still, the water beckons, whispering of the peace to be found in her embrace. The utter calm of being able to drift, uncaring of the world around him. He longs to feel that embrace, to feel her caress him like a cherished lover. Yet, as he moves forward, he feels the icy hands of her alter ego grip him, a reminder that water can be a coffin of death as well as a cradle of life.  
  
//So let me fall  
  
If I must fall  
  
I won't heed your warnings  
  
I won't hear them //  
  
He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and focusing on anything but those hands around his chest and throat. He wants to do this, to shed this last tie to the planet-bound man he'd been. A year in deep space, of seeing others overcome their fears to become more than they had been, has convinced him. It is time for him to do the same.  
  
//Let me fall  
  
If I fall  
  
Though the phoenix may  
  
Or may not rise //  
  
Slowly, he walks forward, crossing the boundary to where the sand and the waves exchange kisses. The hands try to stop him again, but he ignores them. He will be reborn in these waters, like a baptism of old. The man he had been will be washed away, a new man taking his place.  
  
//I will dance so freely  
  
Holding on to no one  
  
You can hold me only  
  
If you too will fall  
  
Away from all these  
  
Useless fears and chains//  
  
The water covers his feet and then retreats, as if she is hesitant to accept him as a lover. He moves forward still, not letting her hesitation affect him. If they both shy away, then all will be lost.  
  
//Someone I am  
  
Is waiting for my courage  
  
The one I want  
  
The one I will become  
  
Will catch me//  
  
He looks down, seeing the shimmering reflection of himself. Odd, how that man looks more at home in the water than he himself does. The gray-blue eyes of the other hold no fear, no memory of the times he has tried this before, only to find his fears were stronger than his will. No, those eyes held reassurance and a promise that he would be there. No matter what the outcome of the day was.  
  
//So let me fall  
  
If I must fall  
  
I won't heed your warning  
  
I won't hear//  
  
He watches those eyes and they gently lead him onward, a paternal counterpoint to the maternal embrace of the water, tenderly cocooning his body in her warm arms. They melt the ice at heart and throat, freeing him from the tethers of dirt and sand and space. For him, this is the last frontier to explore - his own fears. The other man and the water wait, knowing this is his choice to make. He is the one who has to return with his shield or upon it, as the ancient warriors would say. For he is a warrior, fighting himself. He takes a deep breath and leans back into the water, letting her support him as he lets go of his tenuous connection to the land. She rushes over him, caressing his face. He does not breathe.  
  
//Let me fall  
  
If I fall  
  
There's no reason  
  
To miss this one chance  
  
This perfect moment  
  
Just let me fall.//  
  
The water continues her flirtation with the shoreline, encouraging it to join her world. Overhead, birds dip and turn gracefully, paying homage to the one who provides their sustenance. On the shore, above the water line, the man from the reflection stands, watching as the sun burnishes the surface of his lover. He has dared to fall, and won. The warmth of truth has melted the ice of fear. He turns away, smiling. A thought crosses his mind, and he laughs out loud. A phrase used when an old earth monarch passed away, and the heir became the new ruler. In a way, it describes him perfectly at the moment - for the man who had walked into the water was not the same man that had walked out.  
  
Malcolm Reed was dead. Long live Malcolm Reed. 


End file.
